Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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