my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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