I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
