He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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