I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Life is so much better after having sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize