how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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