i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
