Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
