I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
