So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
