The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
