8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's Friday. Sex?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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