New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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