your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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