Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
