Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
