Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
