maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
