she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
