Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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