i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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