I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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