oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.