he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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