He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we're making bets on your personal life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
