Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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