she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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