I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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