I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
