It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
