Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
