We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
