the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
