Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
