I'd wear matching sweaters with you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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