I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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