He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You should frame my arrest warrant.