I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
