My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.