Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.