She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block