when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
