There was a lot of him and a little penis
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
