Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
