i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
