she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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