Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
