My sheets look like a crime scene.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
