yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
