Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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