I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
