So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
