Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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