i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
