So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
