Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
