he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
