Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
