I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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