i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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