Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did i walk over a car last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
