I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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