My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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