the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
