Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
