i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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