don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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