my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
