they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
