I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
