Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
