If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
do nipples grow back?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
