You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
