so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
