Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
