He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize