We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
