The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
