Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize