Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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