I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
