How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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