so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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