its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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