There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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